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I have exercised some terrible choices in my past, and I intentionally let a large number of events affect my health, my way of thinking and the way I perceive my life. This change not only affected me but it woke up something in me that I spent my life trying to keep asleep. I woke “Myself” up. Every so often, we become forced to make key decisions that we find out later were far from the right ones. These decisions not only destroyed my life, but they instantly transformed me into something I could barely understand. Indeed, many people suffer the worst things and most, hardly make it through but this is genuinely not the case, I don’t want you to think this is some classic kind of self-pity. I only want you to know the whole story and how I ended up where I am today. There is this important quote I refer to from “Jim Carrey” that says: “At some point when you create yourself to make it, you’re going to have to either let that creation go and take a chance on being loved or hated for who you really are, or you’re going to have to kill who you really are and fall into your grave grasping a character you never were.” It is straight forward and self-explanatory, One would convincingly portray a unique character that they sincerely believe will fit better into their society, so they make people think they are someone that in reality doesn’t exist. Every so often, these things get more problematic as time passes, and once this character is developed, lies need to be sufficiently mastered to accurately reflect the actuality of their alter-self. This typically continues to a point where they start believing their own lies. This is altogether possible if with the case in question, the person had been cautiously working on this character and his lies for a long time. Our conscious mind can only just remember around fifty percent of stories or life events that happened over a year ago and these memories start to morph as time passes by. The longer the story, the more complicated it would be to remember exact details of said event. At the same time, it becomes considerably easier to manufacture lies that fit better with the formulated character. Eventually, the load becomes too much for the mind to handle without slipping and start making mistakes. Lies become a liability and the pressure increases substantially.

How does one climb up from a pit so deep that all you can see at the top is more darkness? At least I thought I was climbing up. Instead, it turned out that everyone around me was trying to pull me up while in turn, I was pushing “Myself” down further. I only understood the consequences of why I did what I did when I thought that I reached the bottom of the pit. What I didn’t know is that this pit goes down even deeper than that. Life waits for no one, the reason for that is time. There is no escaping time and there is no running away from it. It is what develops us, what defines us and who we are. The only time you ever experience the weight of time is when we feel its passing in every inch of our body and mind. Funny, the word passing is key here and is also used when someone dies and we say “they passed away”.Would this mean that time dies? The problem associated with time is our memories of events that affect our emotions so deeply that it engraves itself in our minds. It does so but also it alters itself, it changes every time we look at it. As I mentioned hitherto, the mind does not recall exact moments with one hundred percent accuracy if the event in question happened years earlier. But why?

When we try to remember an event, we scarcely remember the feelings associated with it and some minor details of what happened. The mind subsequently combines these together and tries to come up with the best-match scenario of the event. The fundamental importance of our emotions and how we feel towards a certain event or person, the mind crafts them in our mind as well as our subconscious. Later, when we see these people again or perform said action, our subconscious jumps back to the moment of our previous experience, analyze then reflect our feelings and emotions from/at that time.

I was grateful to my life, to what I had and the way I was raised but there was, like many others, problems that were at that time, to me, unimportant. I didn’t give them much thought till years later when I discovered traits about “Myself” that I had never imagined I had. Never in many years, had I thought I would think, act or feel the way I did and that raised a question mark. Was I blind to my true Identity, or was I just neglecting the fact that these traits ever existed?